xXso1oXx

New Look

                 It probably won't last too long... Anyone want to steal it?

No Comments

          I can tell that I am not important enough to get comments on my Xanga site now... Yup... I feel so alone. This music is depressing me, but yet it makes me feel like there is a reason I am trudging my way through this life without breaking down. I am feeling some new changesin my life occur. I feel sort of rejuvinated after going to GC church last thursday.

Exhale

          I lack the motivation to post anything interesting.

Depress

          Well... things are lloking kinda of down right now. I finished the backyard. Its wasn't all that bad. I still have some piles of leaves to pick up still. The guys are coming tomorrow to look at the house. All of the stress is weighing down on my Mom. She's is in tears right now. She lets everything get to her. Its almost as if she never has her gaurd up at all. It makes me so sad to see her crying. I just hope that things will get better. We have had some tough years. Johnny's Chapionship Irish Dancing, the 2 years courtcase that ended poorly, then my dad's back surgery, etc... I could make a huge list of things that have made my teenage life hard and it would be quite a long one, but nothing makes it harder than seeing my mother cry. Her mental disorder, anxiety, weighs so heavily on her... and in turn... it weighs on the family as well. I can't help but feel resposible for it somhow. If she hadn't had kids... life would be so much better for her... and that's all I would ever want for her... is for her to be happy... *sigh* I always start rambling. I guess its just my way of getting everything out. I don't know what kind of order to put these thoughts into... *sigh* I pray things look up soon. We need this.